What Mom REALLY wants for Mother's Day

Forget the locket and brunch. After becoming a Mom myself I finally figured out what Mom really wants. Dads, you're gonna want to bookmark this post.


1. A Please-Don't-Need-Me-Right-Now Sweater. Kinda looks like this thing from Mario Brothers


2. Coffee. One of those big 84-packs from Sams Club along with a cute new mug or two. (Those who know me know that boring ugly coffee mugs have no place in my cupboard. Funny or pretty only!) 
3. Faceplant pillow for naps. All moms know you could nap anywhere at anytime. Picture me napping' (sung to the tune of 'Picture me Rollin') 


4. Kate Middleton's hair 
5. Gisele's butt
6. Scarlett Johansson's boobs

(Dads, it's not up to me to figure out how you can gift her 4-6, but that's what we want) 

7. Sleep. It doesn't need to be in a luxury resort, the couch is fine. The basement is fine. Anywhere is fine without little hands reaching over to slap you in the face. Notice how sleep is on here twice? Take notes Dads. 

8. To poop in peace.

9. Lots of alcohol. Nobody needs a drink more than a Mom. Frat boys WANT a drink, crying drunk girls WANT a drink, your hunting uncles WANT a drink. Moms NEED one. 

10. A pretty new bag to make us feel pretty. Yes, we understand it will soon be covered in snot, spit up, cookies and pee. 

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