The Bachelorette Season Premiere 5/18/15

Team Kaitlyn and Ian!
Last night was the season premiere of The Bachelorette where Kaitlyn and Britt were pitted against each other. Chris Harrison told us some people were excited and some were angry ABC decided to have a woman vs. woman show. Toss me in the 'excited' pile because I love a good cringy show.
While meeting the guys this is the face Kaitlyn made while licking her teeth when the guys chose to talk to Britt first. She gives the best "this bitch...." face.
We met the guys where the most noteworthy were:
Josh, the lawyer-stripper from Chicago
Josh said he was a lawyer. Ooh!
He is semi-attractive if you can get past the eyebrows. Ooh!
He says he has to pay the bills somehow and they show him putting on a firefighter suit. Ooh!
Then show him stripping out of said firefighter suit for dolla dolla bills y'all.
We met Jared from Rhode Island and everytime he was on my screen I legit said "gross"
That's mean. But he has a very punchable face. He wore a Superman shirt and called himself "The Love Man". If you need my eyeballs they'll be rolled to the back of my head.
Meditating Tony gave me Michael Myers Love Guru vibes. The most ironic part was his career is listed as "healer" and he showed up with a black eye
JJ's career is "former investment banker" which is much more appealing than "UNEMPLOYED"
Macklemore and Ryan Gosling's love child showed up
The most noteworthy contestant was obviously Ryan M. who got completely white boy wasted and was of course booted from the show. Prior to his departure he did things like
- Knock over the picture of Kaitlyn
- Yell "Your car sucks!" to one of the guys showing up
- Yelled "I'm all horned up!" a couple dozen times.
- Called the girls "a couple of hoes"
- Asked if he was on "the gay Bachelor"
- Threw a rose at Britt's picture
- Told a guy to his face that he sucked
- Slapped Kaitlyn's ass
- Fell without spilling a drop of his 18th beer
Ryan M. had me LOL'ing all night until he asked a guy why he wasn't raping him. Not cool. All together now:  girl, bye!
Ben the personal trainer said one of the greatest accomplishments of his life was trying out for the NFL. Not playing for the NFL, just trying out.
Kaitlyn told a knock knock joke and Britt said she was looking for her "best friend". Barf.
The guys played eenie meenie miney moe putting roses in the girls' boxes (that won't be the only thing they put in their boxes! Hey-o!) picking which one would be the official Bachelorette. If Britt wins then I'm done. I'm out.
I take that back. I'll hate-watch if Britt wins.
Stay tuned because tonight is Part II where they announce which girl!


  1. I am personally not a fan of the dumb drama that this show exhibits, but the husband lives for it. So, of course, I get caught up in said drama and can't take my eyes off of the tv.
    Okay...guess that makes me a fan.

    1. I never used to like it but watched Chris' season last year and am HOOKED.

  2. This recap was amazzze. Yaaaasss. Applaud.

  3. You are so funny! I didn't catch the episodes yet, but when I do I'll be thinking of your comments!

    1. I can't wait for Monday! (How often do people say THAT?)


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