Six Things My Kids Love That I Effing Hate

o n e 

Nina Needs To Go. 
If you're unfamiliar then I'm not sure why you're reading this post because it means you don't have kids and aren't subjected to binge watching Disney Jr. every god damn day. 
Premise: A Disney Jr. short where a little girl is in the midst of potty training (I assume, because she never learns) and is constantly reminded by her mom to use the bathroom. 
This little know-it-all says she's fine and doesn't need it.
Not to post spoilers or anything but guess what, she does have to go. 
Listen to your mother, damn it!
She goes on some adventure with her grandma and there's always an umbrella and she never pisses her pants because they make it right in time. 
At the end of each episode she says
"That'll never happen again, because now I know, don't wait to go."
Bitch, you said that last time.

t w o 

No, I don't effing hate these. I use them when they're needed just like any other normal human being, maybe a couple times a year.
My kids get imaginary boo-boos and neeeeeeed a "ban-aid" to make it feel better. 
These bandaids end up stuck to my couch, carpet, bed, shirt I'm wearing for the day and run errands in and don't realize it until hours and hours later of being in public with Thomas The Tank stuck to my ass.
Please stop crying wolf. 
Bandaids are expensive. Especially since I can never EVER ever put a plain (God forbid!) bandaid on your actual bleeding knee; it must be a princess or minion bandaid otherwise it won't heal.
Them shits is expensive.

t h r e e 

Bath time.
My. Kids. Love. Baths. 
Love em.
Me wanting to give them one? Not so much. 
But I have to because I love them and want them to be happy and don't want them stinky. 
Why don't I like it? Because of the mess. Water everywhere, the screams when I wash her hair ( I have to!) and the not wanting to get out of the tub thing. 
Every bath time, which happens everyday, floods their bathroom and makes me feel like I'm front row at Shamu's show.

How my kids think baths work:

f o u r 

Rhyming books.
Bedtime stories are hard for me when I have to read Dr. Seuss and I trip over my words because I'm exhausted from having kids all day. I secretly hide the annoying tongue twister books when it's bedtime story time and opt for something more repetitive and lame. 

f i v e 

Thanks Grandma for buying her some. I WILL get back at you for introducing her to this. 
I have a very strict Play Doh only when Liam is sleeping rule to keep the mess to one child; and he's only 15 months and doesn't need to play with it just yet. 
However, Olivia is very used to this rule and the SECOND Liam goes down for a nap or bed she asks where the PlayDoh is. I'm not a total dick so I let her play with some. 
I do love the smell of it. Is that weird? 

s i x 

Sleeping with me.
Alright, so I actually love this. BUT!
I don't get my full bed section that I already have to share with my husband. If it were just me I'd be sleeping like a star fish with my limbs all sprawled out.
I love love love sleeping and napping with my babies.
But I don't get any sleep because 
a) they kick me and force me to a 1'x1' square section with the dog tucked under my knees making me sleep like a tetris shape 
b) I don't sleep because I stare at them while they're sleeping with their little mouths open while they sleep and staring at their long lashes brushing their fat little cheeks.

What else am I missing? What do your kids love that you can't stand? Even though I'd rather never see another episode of Mickey Mouse ever again, I happily do the hot dog dance with my kids in the living room because what makes them happy (mostly) makes me happy.
I probably will cry like a baby when the day comes that "Mickey is for babies" 


  1. OH.MY.WORD!!!!!!! I had tears running down my face from laughing (but not laughing too loud because I am AT WORK!!)! So freaking true, every.single.word. Amen.

  2. P.S. I'm a MN mama too! St. Cloud area...:)

  3. OMG those Nina Has to Go cartoons!!!! Argh, yes!!!!!! they drive me nuts too and my kids of course adore them and think they are soooooo funny. Stupid Nina.

  4. Thankfully my mom keeps us well stocked with bandaids, I have no less than 5 boxes in my medicine cabinet. She gives them as part of any gift she gives the grandkids.

    What drives me to insanity? When my son who is the slowest eater on the planet finishes dinner after an hour and a half and then asks for a snack.

  5. haha, I pretty much nodded to everything on this list...except the first one...I don't know who that is, mostly because we don't get Disney Jr. They only watch all those things when they visit my parents, phew! Books that I hate the most...those find this or that. Like can't you see that yellow boot right there! It's right there! And I hate bathtime too, it's the time I yell the most at the kids...hence why hubby gives them most of their baths, while I pretend to be doing dishes.


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