Alright. I'm fully prepared to get the hate mail on this one but I need to speak up: I will not buy your damn colorful leggings!
Repeat: Stop adding me to your Facebook groups to buy your fucking leggings.
Let's back up. I love leggings. I'm wearing them right now. They're also solid black and I paid only $10 for them at Target. There's also roughly 3 identical pairs of them hanging in my closet, 2 on my bathroom floor, and 1 or 4 in the dryer. All black. All just $10.
Yes, leggings are fucking awesome. They double as both pants and pajama bottoms and go with literally everything (when they're all black). You can dress them up, you can dress them down, and your ass looks amazing in them no matter what the shape of your butt.
I wear leggings 99% of the time when I'm pregnant and I wear leggings when I'm not pregnant 96% of the time. I can tuck my mom-pooch right into my leggings and everyone thinks I work out. Spoiler alert: I rarely do. You don't have annoying buttons jabbing into your stomach like you do with jeans, they're great for doing yoga, or doing what I do in them: Netflix-ing.
I have a problem with just one BRAND of leggings. You guessed it! LuLaRoe. Right now I get an average of 2-5 notifications a day that I was either invited to a LuLaRoe party or that I need to respond to the invitation. The answer will forever and always be "NO".
I've even been added to a LLR group by a girl I've NEVER MET IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. I declined the invite and moved on with my life. She then ADDED ME BACK and sent me a message that I must have mistakenly left the group.
NO! No I didn't mistakenly do shit. You mistakenly added me to my 27th fucking LLR group, stranger. So I blocked her. LuLaNo.
^^^^ Literally not making any of that up. A stranger added me to her party ^^^^
Online Facebook parties are not how I buy my clothes. I buy my clothes while I'm at Target avoiding my family, like everybody else. I tell my husband I'm going to buy milk and bread and I'll be right back, then I grab a trenta-whatever-the-hell and I go up and down every. single. aisle. of that beautiful store. LuLaTarget.
I have maybe one friend who isn't into this shit. I know what you're thinking, "well then maybe you're wrong and everyone else is right and you should just TRY them!"
My sister in law sent me a few pairs which was SO NICE of her and I tried them on. I gotta say, I'm still not impressed. Everyone creams their LLR leggings about how soft they are and I guess maybe I need a manicure because sure, they're soft, but they're not todiefor soft.
I will say, she sent Olivia some and Olivia adores them. She's also 3 so she loves funky patterns.
Also, I'm not sure how many times I will comfortably go out in public with elves or donuts on my legs while being a grown-up and all. LuLaOnlyBlackPlease
Point number 6, or 3, or whatever: I had a very good friend point out that my shop sells funky patterned headbands, which I do wear myself. Indeed. They are funky and the same "types" of "fashion" that LLR does, but the difference is, this is a tiny piece of fabric that serves as an accessory, not a key piece. LuLaMinimalist.
I'm not saying you shouldn't wear these! You do you, boo!! If you love them, rock the shit out of them. Since all moms are now wearing them and I'm the solo one in all black, I'm sure I'm the one being laughed at. Which I'm cool with. However, can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop with these parties? Or at the absolute very least, please don't invite me to them anymore? If you add me, I will punch you right in the LuLaTitty.
I don't know how much people are paying for these for a fact, but I've heard they're around $30-$40 a PIECE(!!!) is that correct? Gurrrrl..... I love spending money. Everyone who knows me, knows that. LuLaLavish. But I have not and will not ever pay more than $12 for leggings.
I read a blog post that put it best:
I tried to leave a LuLaRoe group three times last week. Three times, people. Forget Trump and his wall. Just station a bunch of LuLaRoe consultants on the border. Ain’t no one getting into the country on their watch, yo.
Enjoy your leggings. I truly mean that! I never wanna kill anyone's vibe. Just PLEASE stop telling me I need to buy them. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go unfollow 16+ online parties. LuLaNope.